I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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