i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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