I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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