she woke up with a sticky ear
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
