I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
