i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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