At least make sure they are 18
Why
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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