i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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