Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
