I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
