Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
two words...techno handjob
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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