i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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