My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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