There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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