But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize