Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
