the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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