shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
