At least make sure they are 18
Why
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
