you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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