Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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