Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
