An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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