I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
