Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
