So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
