her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
