So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
