Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
