I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
