Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
