I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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