My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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