I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did i walk over a car last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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