my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
