Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
