literally had 100 drinks last night.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think my fart just growled at me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
