He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
