Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
