So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
