boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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