Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
