my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
