3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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