Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
