So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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