Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
