she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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