I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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