Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
