thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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