Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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