It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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