I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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