You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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