first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
