Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
