I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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