so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my liver is dry heaving
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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