Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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