we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
