I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
