he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
