Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize