in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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