did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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