I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
accomplished twins. life is a go
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
