? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize