everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
