Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
