I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
