I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
