I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
