I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
