What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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