nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I died a long time ago.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
