his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
