being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
