how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
