I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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