It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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