Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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