Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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