Welp...herpes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
