He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
