My hand turned me down
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
