Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
