I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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