It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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