She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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