My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
