Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
