Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize