Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
