Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
