Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
