Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
