I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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