You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
