I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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