i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
