After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
