i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Even my vagina gasped.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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