I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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