please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
