god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
