They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
