that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize