How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
